"Who's the Expert?"

In a day and age of information overload you’ll find no shortage of experts.  They have the answer you are looking for, the trick, the hack, the diet, the formula.  Each pushing and peddling from the angle that they know how to solve your problems, cure your ailments, and make you a better version of yourself.  This all looks good on paper, sounds great in an energetic well sculpted video with inspiring music in the background, but often times you’re hearing more about their journey than they are listening to yours.

I’ve always maintained that the majority of people have at least some understanding of what they need.  Even those who are lying to themselves or are stuck in a state of denial have at least some understanding (albeit at a lower level of consciousness) of what areas of their life need the work.  They may not have all the right answers, but I do believe that if you dig deep enough they do have their own set of answers.  Then, all that’s required is closing our mouths, opening our ears, and truly getting out of ourselves long enough to ask the right questions.  The least we can do is listen to those who have put enough faith in us to share at such a vulnerable level.

As a mentor to new and often seasoned counselors, I witness struggle with falling into an overreach of self-disclosure of their journey to their patients. This led to resistance from the patient and frustration for the counselor as a result of generating their own counter-transference.  Much of the time it was a simple fix to guide them back to listening and getting into the patient’s boat rather than trying to pull them into their own.  We are stubborn, self willed beings, and even though not everyone shows this trait in the boisterous fashion we usually associate it with, people have their own way of digging in their heals that can be very sneaky.

Not being an addict or even coming from a home impacted by addiction, I had my own set of challenges as a counselor.  These challenges made me abundantly aware that I was not the expert.  My job was to make the environment safe and provide a place where trust could be shared.  To give safety and security where judgement was not only absent from my part, but addressed when they were using it to continue to condemn themselves and further feed their sickness.

Room for a new or renewed person to emerge starts when we remove the roadblocks that have been created.  We break the patterns, behaviors, habits, and states of being that made up the person who may have at one point served them, but no longer has a place if healing is to occur.  Then something amazing happens, an openness occurs.  They become open to all of the knowledge they have tucked away as though going through an old box of cherished memories.  They find the tools that served them long ago.  They get creative and become mentally open to possibilities they had long since closed themselves off to.  Then, they begin to let others in, and cherish feedback rather than pushing it away.  They start connecting to the tools that have served others and even ask for more as they grow.  To see people heal, build their recovery, their health and body, their new life, is a powerful thing to behold.

Before sent off into the world again they are reminded once more.  This all started with them. Their rediscovery of what has served them.  Their willingness to put into action the tools that have worked for others.  And finally, the ultimate knowing of where the responsibility lies to continue to heal and grow.

By understanding that we all have a level of expertise about ourselves and taking the time to go through the old boxes with someone to find it, we can clear out the clutter, polish up the things that serve us, and have space for the new materials we can build our life around.  May you find nostalgia in the parts that once served you, courage to clear out those that no longer do, and the wisdom that comes with the openness of letting in new things to serve you on your journey.